Old Italians are Funny

We all get old. Especially Vinny as he is now 30 years old. The birthday was celebrated in style on the weekend of March 17 and 18 in Rochester, New York.

It all started several months earlier when Vinny's wife, Sheila, asked all of Vinny's close friends to see if they were able to visit for the weekend. With enough time to plan, many of the friends were able to find the time and schedule the journey to upstate New York. Yet Vinny was not told of these plans as all was kept quite secret. Several of his friends even went so far as to call a few days before and apologize for their not being able to attend for the weekend celebration.

On the Friday before his birthday, Vinny came home to his wife and to his shock, his friends Matty and Savannah from Phoenix and Dano from Las Vegas were waiting for him. The look on Vinny's old wrinkled face told it all as he stood frozen trying to compute what his eyes were telling him. His ancient heart almost went into arrest. Terrible, yes, but he would have been ok because he has a device around his neck that he can push in case he falls and can't get up.

Later in the day, the crew was hanging out in the basement when some footsteps where heard coming down the stairs. It was none other than Cyrus Patel, Vinny's college roommate. Again, the old Italian was in shock as he happily hugged Cyrus and welcomed him. Later Vinny's sister in law Kathleen showed up as well. There was much rejoicing.

That evening was spent in the Lecce basement. Some cards were played, some darts were thrown, and a legendary bout of beirut was had.

For those of you who don't know what beirut is, there are two teams of two, and the game is played on a table with each team having cups....ah screw it, it's a drinking game with ping pong balls, that's all you need to know. On this particular night, Dano and his partner Emily were not to be stopped. Usually winners become losers quickly as the winning team is constantly drinking as they play and thus their performance suffers worse than Sammy Sosa once baseball started to test for steroids.

Yet Dano and Emily kept bringing the pain, both to their opponents and themselves. They could not be stopped as they ravaged and pillaged their way through the countryside. Finally the townsfolk had had enough and they hailed for a savior. The only ones who they knew could take down the evil empire. Their prayers were answered by a pair of saviors who came in the form of an old grizzly Italian named Vinny and a non-drinking fat-ass named Matty. "Surely this is the team that can vanquish our foes," the townspeople shouted.

The first match between the Saviors and the Heathens was one where there were allegations of cheating and the Heathens won. A rematch ensued as the Saviors knew they had it in them after throwing the first game on purpose in order to give the evil empire a false sense of confidence.

Many of the onlookers marveled how Savior Matty was drinking vodka instead of beer as it is legend that he cannot consume beer due to allergies that cause violent explosive bleeding just from a sip of the devils brew.

In the second and ultimate game, the Heathens took an early lead and needed only one more cup to win while the Saviors needed 5 more. It appeared that all was lost and many of the townspeople began to run for the exits fearing their lives to be in danger. Yet that is exactly when the Saviors turned it on, and hit an amazing 5 straight to win the match and send the Heathens to the depths! The Heroes had done it and all of the people rejoiced!

But it was not at a cost. Old Vinny had poured so much of the brew down his throat that it caused serious bouts of tiredness, slow speech, and a reported episode of a Riverdance. And, Savior Matty, sacrificed his virgin drunkenness for the people and for the victory. After 29 years the liquid had finally gotten to him and he was merry...very merry in fact.

All retired to their bunks and dreamed dreams of happiness.

On Saturday, the weather and terrible snows led to many of our out of town comrades not being able to join us so there was some dismay at the unfortunate situation. We stayed in all day and watched the basketball tournament and played cards. It turned out to be a really good day.

Later in the evening, there was a knock at the door. Ol' Vinny got his walker and went to answer it. Again, to his shock, it was his sister Jackie in from Denver! She made it through the snow.

That evening Sheila cooked an amazing Italian feast which packed our stomachs to the hilt. Then, just after dinner a rumbling outside was heard. Going to the window, we saw a giant bus parked right outside. It was the Party Bus!!

We boarded the Party Bus and headed on a mysterious tour (well, it was a mystery to Vinny, not to us). Our first stop was the Hart home where Doug and Judy welcomed us with drinks and a birthday cake loaded with candles for Vinny.

After some relaxing fun, we were off to our next location. It should be noted that this Party Bus was amazing. It had to be the biggest limo in the world complete with leather seats, DVD player, flat screen, Ice chests, and a nice sound system. We danced and sang the whole time.

Our next stop was....Laser Tag! Vinny had a very excited look on his face. There were no teams, it was an all individual melee. Some had strategies, some had bunkers, some just ran around like crazy. All had fun.

Back on the bus, and our next stop: Bowling. Again, Vinny was thrilled and Sheila's plan was working perfectly. Now this bowling alley was a little bit different. It was the first time any of us had been patted down and wanded by security upon entering a bowling alley. It really made us feel safe and secure knowing that 2 overweight security guards who were almost as old as Vinny were there to save us in case anything went down. And I'm totally sure it was pre-emptive, that nothing in the past made the bowling alley hire the security guards. They were just being proactive in case anything ever happened.

Nonetheless, the bowlers were divided into 3 teams of 5. Unfortunately, the same team kept winning. Fortunately, the man of the hour, Vinny, was on the winning team. Yet it was fun for all.

Back on the bus for one more stop, we hit an Irish pub (after all it was St. Patrick's Day). We had a quick drink and we returned to the bus for the ride home/party. Upon boarding the bus, everyone had to "Walk the Catwalk" as instructed by Kathleen and Emily. So we saw some very innovative (read: drunken stoopers) walking and strutting. Also, our token klepto Karen alledgedly forgot to leave her beer mug at the bar as it neatly found its way onto the bus underneath her shirt. The beer inside the mug found its way onto her pants. We all know how fun that is in sub-freezing weather.

We danced the whole way home and at one point, all the men sang "Livin on a Prayer" a la the Wolach wedding and it was done just as well/poorly.

At the end of the day, Vinny had a great birthday and while he was just one year older, he looked older than that.

You know why they call it Golf?

...because all of the other 4 letter words were already taken.

Our hero couple has been on a golfing kick lately as they have been out on the links for each of the last four Sundays. Young Savannah is working hard to pick up the game. As a true competitor, she hates to not be great at something so it took a little bit of arm-twisting to get her to take up golf, a known frustrating game. Thus, she has eschewed the idea of playing with people other than her husband as she is usually quite nervous playing in front of others since her first round ever was with her husband's parents and was a bit of a rough outing.

But all that is changing as she grows more and more confident in her swing each time out.

Last week the couple was paired with a father/son duo from Michigan. Savannah impressed early and often with a good swing and some spectacular putting.

This week, our couple played with their good friends, Jackie and Paul Cerda. As Savannah's first time ever, playing golf in front of friends, she was anxious about the occasion but Jackie called the day before to give some good words of encouragement. It must have worked because Savannah played her best yet and even got a BIRDIE on a hole!!!

Yes, friends, it is true. On a par 4 she drove the ball well but a little right. From the desert, she hit a screaming 5-wood that ended up 5 inches from the pin. An easy tap-in and the golf bug has now officially bitten our heroine.